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Apathy
October 6, 2006I don’t really know if I like what I am feeling right now – loneliness, resentment, animosity, fear. The only feeling that’s certain is apathy.
My marriage life is on rocks. The worst incident that happened recently didn’t change anything. I felt distressed because I expected too much. I shouldn’t have hoped for impossible.
I was never comfortable acting like nothing bad happened just to cover up the reality that there’s something wrong with our relationship. Now I have too much regrets. The little confidence I have vanished. Thank God, my lovable daughter is beside me, her hugs and kisses give me strength and courage.
I admit it’s still painful but not having shed tears mean I am much stronger now. Married life isn’t really easy. It is accompanied by continuous struggle. I am not perfect and I will never be an ideal wife. But this doesn’t mean I deserved to be treated like a useless person. I am aware of my shortcomings but putting all the blame on me would worsen the situation. I also need respect, love and sincere attention.
